First Pregnancy vs. Third Pregnancy

1st you know the exact number of weeks AND days pregnant you are at any given moment

3rd you’ve lost track of the number of weeks and the best you can do is give a ball park figure when asked

1st you write each weekly milestone of pregnancy in your diary all the way up to 40 – where you stop because you will give birth on your due date, right?

3rd you get around to writing your due date in when you’re almost there, knowing full well it means nothing but you feel like you should write it in anyway.

1st you actively shop for maternity clothes figuring 9 months is a long time so therefore you will need many maternity options.

3rd you know 9 months is going to fly by so you don’t waste money on maternity clothes, you’d rather spend the money on actual nice clothes that you will wear in real, non-pregnant life.

1st you diligently get measured regularly to ensure you are wearing the correct fitting bra

3rd you don’t bother getting measured and you know the bra you’re wearing is ill fitting

1st you research and anxiously avoid all the things you’re advised to avoid

3rd you eat ALL THE CHEESE and drink what you want because as long as you’re not drunk it’s probably OK and the french do it, right?! You don’t even know if the French actually do but it sounds good and you want the cheese. When did cheese ever harm anyone?

1st you buy all the baby stuff, everything you could possibly need, and well in advance

3rd you buy nothing

1st you decorate the nursery even though the baby won’t be sleeping in there and your own bedroom is in far more desperate need of a lick of paint, you dispense the nappies into cute wicker baskets etc so that everything is just so.

3rd there’s no nursery, you realise it’s pointless as baby will either sleep next to you in its crib or in your bed. Nappies are kept in their plastic packaging and will be ripped out when required

1st you install a changing table – a whole area dedicated to nappy changing with everything you need to hand

3rd you guess you will change baby’s nappy on your bed. No changing station required.

1st you wash all the clothes beforehand even the new ones with fancy (expensive) non bio  detergent and iron them all.

3rd – you wash the secondhand bits but assume anything new will be fine

1st – you worry about everything and read up on everything that could go wrong

3rd – you don’t worry because you’re worrying quota is consumed by the other kids who are on the move

1st – you cook batches of food to puree and freeze it in an organised fashion

3rd – you opt for baby led weaning not because you think it’s better but because you dont have time to puree and can’t be bothered. Baby can eat what big bro does.

1st you believe only fresh and organic produce should pass baby’s lips.

3rd whatever is going – pizza, chips, chocolate – that’s all fine.

1st you will them to sit up, walk, talk

3rd you pray they don’t start moving early because that makes everything more difficult

1st you worry about labour a lot.
2nd you worry how you will love the new baby since you love your first so much
3rd you worry where they will all sleep

1st you buy ALL THE THINGS
2nd you know what you need this time so you make a spreadsheet and limit yourself to buying the things on it
3rd you realise you don’t even have the basic necessities because you were just assuming you had everything already (but had forgotten how most baby vests did not survive explosive korma poo gate).

1st all your friends are so excited and throw a babyshower which is planned long in advance and they all attend

3rd nobody really cares that you’re having another baby.

1st you take loads of pictures of your bump as it grows

3rd you realise you have one picture, which is blurry because you took it yourself in the mirror.

1st you have too many name options and cannot decide

2nd you pick the one name you like and stick with it

3rd you have run out of names and have no idea what to call him

1st you dress your baby like a mini human in actual clothes

3rd they live in sleepsuits, mostly weetabix encrusted ones.

1st you wonder if everything downstairs will go back to normal or whether you’ll be ruined forever.

3rd you know your body is capable of amazing things and you have the self-healing powers of wolverine… but you accept that you probably need to wear a panty liner if you plan on trampolining.

1st you worry about how bad labour will be

3rd you look forward to labour knowing it can be the best day of your life.

1st you have no idea what to expect and swing between being blissfully unaware and sick with fear

3rd you feel more confident than ever before that you are going to love this little squish ball so much. You know that you’re going to be a better mother because you are more relaxed than ever, but you also know you will never be able to give him/her as much attention as the ones that came before.

1st you worry how you will survive the sleepless nights of the newborn phase

3rd you feel sad thinking how quick the newborn phase goes and wish it lasted longer

 

 

 

 

What I’d do differently in birth

I had a pretty spectacular 2nd birth. I kind of want to tell everyone and shout it from the roof tops because I believe everybody can and should have a wonderful birth experience (whether that’s a homebirth, a hospital birth or an elective c-section). No doubt every woman deserves it. (You can read my birth story here). However I also don’t want to come across as an insensitive, smug dick because I know so many women have had less than ideal labours.

Therefore I always like to explain how I had a traumatic first birth and then went on to have a wonderful one. Basically I know what both ends of the birth experience spectrum look like. Now I just want every woman who is scared of giving birth to know that in actual fact it can be the best day of your life! For those women who did not have the birth of dreams first time round (I was one!), know that all hope is not lost and if you go on to have another bubba then a brilliant and healing birth experience is most definitely possible.

Anyhow, that all said, there are still a few things I’d definitely do differently, so here they are:

1. I wouldn’t spend the entire afternoon after my waters had gone writing Christmas cards whilst having/ignoring ‘twinges’, then sending my partner out to post them just a few hours before I gave birth.

Next time I will use that time to deeply relax. Maybe have a bath with the lovely Lush bath bomb I’d been saving in my birth bag, have a rest, have a cuddle, have my partner do a relaxation reading like we’d rehearsed, listen to some positive affirmations, have a massage with the lovely Neil’s Yard ‘Mother’ oil I’d been given as a gift, inhale some lavender spritz that I’d prepared etc. etc. Because all those lovely things I had planned… Guess what??? Never did them. Why?! Because in the end there wasn’t time! I wasted the lovely early stages of labour doing life admin.

2. First sign of labour I’d get my partner to start inflating and filling the birth pool. Oh the pool of dreams! What happened in my labour was we thought of inflating the pool too late. My partner spent most of my 2 hour labour attending to the pool which I then didn’t use because by the time it was ready for me to get in, it was time to push! So yeah, I’d get him on that case a lot quicker.

3. I forgot to drink in my labour. And my partner, like I mentioned, was busy attending to the birth pool, not me. When the midwife gave me a cup of cold black sugary tea, just before I delivered, I swear it was the best thing I’d ever tasted.

So yeah next time I’m going to have some cool fresh lemonade prepared or something similarly refreshing to sip. Oh and champers in the fridge! We forgot that too (I’d only just finished work – I wasn’t expecting to go into labour ‘on time’).

4. I’m going to remember that just like everyone says – when the baby is coming out it genuinely feels like a poo. I went to the toilet naked like a mad woman, insistent that I needed a number 2. I had my midwife outside the door telling me not to push too hard as I didn’t want to deliver on the toilet. She was right. Of course. It was baby’s head.

Luckily I made it to the sofa.

5. Finally and most importantly, the thing I would definitely do differently (if there’s a next time) is get a birth photographer!! You are so in the zone when in labour that it’s a bit of a blur. I wasn’t aware of what was going on around me and that was a good thing. But I wish I had a load of photos that I could look back on to remember that miraculous day.

For me giving birth is more life changing than getting married and if I wouldn’t think twice about hiring a wedding photographer to capture the day, why not splash the cash and book a birth photographer ! There are so many gorgeous birth photos out there and beautiful videos to watch. I really regret not having someone to record my special day.

Sure I have the shaky, slightly-blurry, happy after-birth pic that my partner took (see up top) and the I’m-dead-to-the-world first birth photo (below) but I want more! I’m not talking blood and guts, I’m talking beautiful sensual photos that truly capture the magic.

Oh, and 6. I’d remember to blow the candle out before going to hospital.

I transferred to hospital after giving birth as I needed some stitches and had lost a bit of blood. We left without remembering the lovely Diptyque candle we had burning throughout my labour, which then remained going all night…

House did smell nice though when I got home 😉

Pregnancy Diary – Week 38

Preparing to meet our water baby

Monday – Iron worries

I mentioned in my previous post how I was totally committed to my planned homebirth, however there is one potential problem that stands between me and my birth pool dream and that is my iron level. It was 10.5 at 28 weeks and I was told to take Spatone twice a day, which I did. However by 36 weeks it had fallen to 9.9. (I have been told that a minimum of 10 is required for homebirth or birthing centre and 11 is preferable). I have now been taking Ferrous Sulphate twice a day and folic acid with orange juice. We have gone from eating kale with every meal (which my partner hated) to steak on a regular basis (which he’s much more happy about). This is after reading the post about nutrition on this blog and learning that we absorb iron much more efficiently from red meat rather than vegetables. My bloods are being checked again this week, at 38 weeks. Fingers crossed it’s risen and all the black poo has been worth it! (YUK).

Tuesday – Baby, be ready soon… please!

‘Babies are born when babies are ready’ is a rather tricky affirmation for me to embrace wholeheartedly as I was induced at almost 42 weeks with my son and I really want to avoid that happening again.  What if baby isn’t ready until after 42 weeks?! I don’t want to battle consultants who want me induced and to start worrying about whether I should follow their advice or not. Of course I want baby to be come when baby is ready…it’s just I really want baby to be ready by 41 weeks!

To help avoid this situation I have started having acupuncture twice a week. I don’t believe acupuncture is going to induce my labour and I don’t believe it will make my body do something my body is not ready to do. But I do believe that acupuncture can remove the obstacles (like stress, tension and worry) that prevent labour from starting. Last week the points used were to improve my blood and for relaxation. I slept really well that night for the first time in ages. My second session was this week and the points used were for ripening the cervix. Since then I have felt a stretching and tenderness down there. Could all be psychosomatic of course (says the skeptic in me).

Wednesday – Wet runs and hot tub fun

Tonight we had our ‘wet run’ – which is like a dry run with the birth pool, only there’s lots of water involved.  My partner inflated and filled the pool (and timed it), and then, because I couldn’t bear to waste all the warm water, we decided to get in and enjoy it! I started off LOVING the pool – it felt like we were sat in our own private hot tub… in the living room!!! But then I started feeling some waves of panic…caused by the dawning realization that in the next few weeks I’m going to be giving birth in this pool!! A human being, is going to come out of my vagina, in this pool, in the next few weeks. It’s mind-blowing and over-whelming. I felt a bit sick so went to bed with my relaxation track.

Thursday – to be present or not to be present?

My son has gone from describing a textbook TV birth – Mum-to-be in bed, on her back, sweaty, red and screaming to imagining a happy, calm, water birth. He asks all kinds of intelligent questions, like how come it won’t drown when it comes out in the water? After I explained how it won’t take its first breath until it’s lifted out into the air, he said he wanted to be there for ‘when it takes its first breath in this life, in our family’. How cute is that?!

We still don’t have a plan in place for what we will do in terms of childcare when I’m in labour. The first issue is timing. If only we could know WHEN in the next 4 weeks the baby is going to come! If it’s the daytime then he could be at school, if it’s the nighttime he could be sleeping. If it’s the school holidays then we could be screwed! Both sets of grandparents live approximately 4 hours drive away, which isn’t ideal/an option. And the second issue is whether or not Oisin should be part of the birth?! He says he wants to be there for when the baby comes out but will I be relaxed if he is and what if things don’t go to plan? What if he finds it distressing and I can’t comfort him or reassure him because I’m in the throes of labour? I really don’t know what is best but I know some sort of decision needs to be made imminently…

The best news today was my iron results came back and homebirth is a GO! It’s gone from 9.9 to 11.3 after just 13 days of iron tablets. perhaps it was the acupuncture!! My midwife seemed a little surprised and I have been having points for improving blood done during my needle sessions! Ooooh, maybe it is possible to poke this baby out 😉

Friday – packing the birth bag

Now I’m 38 weeks I’ve decided I really should pack my birth bag – we’ve decided to call it birth bag as I’m hoping to avoid going to hospital. I’ve been gathering bits for weeks but finally got around to packing it all and it’s like the best bag of goodies EVER. I’m genuinely looking forward to when the first surge hits just so I open it. I have a lush new Diptique candle packed, a mini bottle of champers (of course), a new super fluffy towel and dressing gown, new bed socks, jelly babies, galaxy bars, laminated affirmations, a head massager, my luxe silk PJs and a set of L’Occitane toiletries which I’ve saved for months. It’s going to be like Christmas has come early… unless I’m waaay overdue and then it will be like Christmas has come late… and I will probably be massively pissed off.

I’ve also packed the obvious essentials like loads of industrial-sized sanitary pads and a few packs of size 14 pants from Sainsburys, to accommodate the aforementioned nappy-like pads, which I will be more than happy to dispose of ASAP. And of course some men’s t-shirts in size XXL from Primark to wear when in labour. I just don’t like to focus on this darker side of my birthing bag.

Finally, I’ve also got to work on creating a playlist for birthing a baby on Spotify. So far I’ve got a bit of Alt-J, The XX, Hozier, George Ezra and Bastille. Unless it’s a very quick labour (unlikely) I’m going to need to add a few more…